The Real Problem

Romans 8:6 says, "the mind of sinful man is death, but the mind controlled by the spirit is life and peace." (NIV) This was our life. Before we became Christ followers, we were dead to God and his ways and what he wanted to do in our lives for us and others. Now, we need to get into the habit of allowing the Holy Spirit to control our mind. The Holy Spirit is God and, if we allow him to control our mind, then we will have what we have been searching for all along; life and peace. When we have this we gain so much more than just peace. Because when you have this peace, then you treat others differently. You care more than you used to about them and their feelings and where they're at in life. You have less amends to make because if the Holy Spirit is controlling your mind then by default He's controlling your thoughts. If He's controlling your thoughts then He's controlling your actions and you will act differently and treat others differently. This Romans 8:6 has become my life verse. When I think that I have a problem, the problem that I have is not really the problem at all. The real problem is that I haven’t allowed the Holy Spirit to control my mind.
Pressing on with excellence!
Keith Smith

Friends

  Since we moved down here in GA in February I have met several people. I’ve met people at church and other venues here in Georgia. But meeting people and making friends are two different things. We have made some real friends while we’ve been here so far. Friends that help you out and watch out for you. We have had some financial difficulties and friends have helped out. Gone above and beyond what I would call the call of duty as a friend. What is the call and duty of a friend? Well let me tell you what some of my friends have been doing. When my daughters 13^th birthday came around and I didn’t have any extra money for a great 13^th celebration our friends took our whole family out to eat. They didn’t stop there they took us over to the bowling ally and covered two games for all of us. They didn’t stop there they also bought a DQ ice cream cake for us. They didn’t stop there they bought gifts for my daughter. Above and beyond. Since I’ve been looking for work I have a friend that has hand delivered my resume to the Human Resource Dept. He didn’t just do that he’s been hounding his boss to take a look at me. He didn’t stop there He has defended me when there was questions about my last job. Above and beyond. Do you have any friends like these? Are you a friend like this? I want to send out a very special thanks to all of my friends. I am so blessed to have you as my friends thanks so much may God greatly bless you all.

Pressing on with excellence!

Keith   

Can't Compartmentalize

One thing I believe is that if you do not have a relationship with God, then by default you’re against him. What I mean is; it is no wonder why our defects of character, our relationships with others, and our lives are messed up. We were running opposite of God, getting further and further away from what we were really meant to be, ideally.

  It may not be intentional, but without His help it is impossible to continue to become better and better. Therefore you stagnate and are never able to progress further in any area of your life. Each area of your life affects one another. For example if you have a resentment against one person, then it will effect other relationships in your life. You may be intolerant to your wife or kids. It is impossible to compartmentalize different areas of your life from each other. One thing that is cool is, when you, with God’s help, start improving in one area of your life, it affects all the other areas of your life. For example, if you start improving in physical fitness it may effect how you feel about yourself and your self esteem. If your self esteem improves, you may be more tolerant with others. One of the most revolutionizing things in my own life, that held me back for so long, was unforgiveness of myself. I don’t think I realized that I had a resentment against myself (you know you have a resentment against yourself when you use the guilt club on yourself.) Anyway, when I started forgiving myself, I found that my relationships with others improved. I was able to overlook others wrongs and I drew closer to God which gave me more peace. 

Pressing on with excellence!

Keith

The Present of Fellowship

In December of 2010, I wrote about the present of the present: The gift of the moment and how staying in the present helps us to have peace. Currently, I’m thinking about another present that God gives us: Fellowship and how it is that I can be feeling down and spend some time with others and feel completely renewed. I’m not sure what it is that causes me to be pulled out of the blah’s, but something about being around others gives me a new outlook.

I remember, early in sobriety, feeling like I was about ready to give up. Then I would go to an A.A. meeting and come out pumped up, with a renewed sense of purpose in my life. I also can get that way when I help someone or just spend time with others. I think it has to do with getting out of myself. I can isolate easily and I don’t think that is good for me psychologically or spiritually. I’m really a people person and if I isolate and feel lonely it messes with my head. So I believe God gives me the present of fellowship to draw me out of myself and isolation. That refreshes my spirit and gives me direction in my life. It really is a gift.

Pressing on with excellence!

Keith

The In-Between

What do you do when you think something is going to happen and it seems to be taking longer than you think? I’m in that position right now. I’m almost stumped about what to do next. I don’t want to give up, and I won’t, but I guess I will have to wait awhile to see my answer. I may have to wait but I won’t lose heart because I know the one who has the play book. When the timing is right it will happen or God will show me something else he wants me to do. It is easy to become frustrated or impatient but it will not help the situation. It is easy to worry or fret but I will not do that anymore. I am done with that kind of thinking. I have already wasted too much of my life doing that. It is not productive. It will not help the situation. It won’t even make time go any faster. I am going to do what is right in front of me right now. I will not procrastinate I will just do the next right thing.

What do you do in the between?

Pressing on with excellence!

Keith 

Perspective

I think perspective is one thing that is amazing. Every one of us has a different perspective which causes us to act one way or another. When you hear one side of a story you may think a certain way, until you hear the other side. Then you might think entirely differently. If you are close minded, you may be blocking yourself from really knowing the whole truth. It is sometimes easy to act when you hear one side, only to find out that you were wrong. Sometimes that is a hard pill to swallow. I can’t count the number of times that this has happened to me. Then I have to suffer the consequence of my action, which is usually embarrassment. Because I didn’t know the whole story I said something that I shouldn’t have. 

I have learned, over time, to slow down, and to try to get all of the facts before I rush to judgment. The Bible says we should be slow to anger, but quick to forgive. But do we really do this? This is one thing I try to keep in mind when it comes to my perspective of things. Patient responses would be the best for me, but I’m not always as patient as I should be. This seems to affect all areas of my life; from settling a dispute between my kids, to conversations with my boss, or even in a leadership position at church. It is best to withhold judgment and get the whole perspective. Proverbs says one who keeps his mouth shut appears to be wise until he opens it and proves otherwise (Keith’s paraphrased version). My opinion is only my perspective and may be wrong depending on the facts.

Pressing on with excellence!

Keith

Expectations

Life was interesting in how others reacted to this past period of unemployment. My mother told me I need to get a job and I think “just over broke”. I wasn't looking for just any job any more. I can get any job but that’s not the point. I wanted to find work that has meaning, something that I love. It’s not like I was just sitting around not doing anything or not looking for work. I was just being a little pickier than I used to be. My brother said that I was lazy. He thinks since I didn’t have a job that whatever I’m doing is not productive or important. I think they don’t understand. That just because what I’m looking for doesn’t fall into their idea of normal, that it’s not right for me. They thought their expectations for me to get a job, for me to be normal, were high. But, for me, it seems that if I settle for just a normal job their expectations are too low and don’t have my best interest in mind. It’s sad really, because I think that if I had listened to them then I might never have found out what God really has for me. To me, it’s more important to find out what God has for me and do that, than to settle for normal. Does that make sense? I’ve begun a new chapter in my life and I will not settle for mediocrity any longer. This life is not like the past and it looks completely different. So I wrote this to say that sometimes we need to ignore some of the closest people around us. Not to spite them, but for our own good. Their expectations may not help us to get where we want and need to go or where God wants us to be.

Pressing on with excellence!

Keith Smith

HOT DOG

I heard a story about someone who locked himself in a closet for a long time, became hungry, and prayed that God would give him something to eat. The story goes that God won’t do for you something that you can do for yourself. I suppose that they were talking about unlocking the closet door and going to the fridge and getting a hotdog. I also think that might be true in most cases. But do you think there may be times that God might push a hotdog under the door? Times where we're so far out on a limb that only He can help us? I believe there are times when God does just that; pushes a hotdog under the door to keep us from starving to death while He works out His plan for us. If you have asked God for something and He hasn’t given it to you yet, you can take hope in Mark 11:24. Jesus says, "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours". What does this mean? I think it means that, if we believe, then we need to act like our prayer has already been answered. What does that look like? How would you act if you knew that God has already answered your prayer? You wouldn’t be worried; you would have direction, and peace. Right? So why not act as if God has already answered your prayer? Isn’t this true faith?

Pressing on with excellence!

Keith

Questions

Have you ever wondered why you are here? You believe God has lead you in this direction; but then things don’t work out the way you thought they were going to and you doubt that you were even supposed to be here in the first place. Am I so stupid that I can’t figure out what God wants? Or am I just blind to my own self deception, and self-centeredness? We wonder why God would allow us to get here only to washout, to fail; but we get no answers! Why? What were we thinking anyway? I have more questions than answers at this point and I don’t know if I should continue for fear of offending the Holy Spirit with my questions. I have learned some things again. The right here and now is ok. I have money in my pocket, food in the fridge, gas in my car, and a family that loves me. I am learning to be content with very little. I’m better off than five years ago asking the same questions only buried in debt. I have very little now. Back then I had stuff, but was in the red. I trust God. He has a plan, but sometimes He feels so far away. Why is that? I love you Lord. Please don’t let us fall or let us go.

Pressing on with excellence!

Keith

EVERYTHING or nothing!

Have you ever thought that about God? Either he is everything or he is nothing. That thought alone could change your life. Think about it. If, when you're worried about something, you took that worry to God and said; "God, you are either everything or nothing. I give this worry to you," would that change your perception? You can take any problem to God and say your will be done; I accept whatever out come you have for me, Lord. When God is everything, any problem you take to God can melt before him instantly. You can know that he already knows and is already at work on it. How much time do we have to waste fretting over something that is nothing for God? If God is above all in your life, truly, then we should not fret over anything. Yet I do. I still waste precious moments of my life that I could be using somewhere else on something more important. When will I ever learn that God is either everything or he is nothing? I have been around long enough to know he is everything, yet I still forget that sometimes.

Pressing on with excellence!

Keith

Change

I like to stop the beginning of year and look back over my life and see how far I’ve come. Have there been any significant changes? My twenty year anniversary in sobriety was January 21st. As I looked back, it got me to thinking about how people that use drugs and alcohol, when they first get sober, have a distinct, negative outlook. This is not unexpected, especially when you think of what most alcoholics and addicts have been through. It can’t be helped. Think about it. We have been in the crap for so long that bad things have become normal. I would not have gotten sober if things hadn’t gotten so bad, right? So, that gives me a negative outlook. Now I have to change this kind of thinking because it is what got me here in the first place. If I don’t, I will drink again. It's no wonder so many people have such a tough time staying sober. If our thinking does not change then we will continue to do the same things over and over; that’s what we call insanity. Thank God he helps us stay sober long enough to get past some of that thinking.

For too long in sobriety I hung on to a lot of those old mindsets, those old thinking patterns. The good news is that I can change the way I think. How? Well, to start with, how about prayer? Ask God to help you recognize negative thinking patterns. We cannot change the things that we are not aware of. Ask God to help you change your focus to something positive. I use a gratitude list for this. This works well regardless of whether or not we're alcoholic. Too many people have negative outlooks. You can change your thinking if you want to. It is one of the only things that you really have any control over.

Pressing on with excellence!!

Keith

Be Still

Do I even trust God yet? I wonder sometimes. I am so confused on what I should do that I don’t know what to do! Should I be looking for a job or what? I know we are running out of money fast. I need to make some kind of an income, don’t I? Will God really keep me from being evicted? Does He know what is going on? Is my trust in money? Am I afraid of failure? Am I afraid of success? I just need to know what or where God wants me and I will head in that direction. Isn’t it irresponsible to just sit and wait on God? Shouldn’t I be trying to make something happen?

Where am I right now?  Right now I still have some money. Right now I still have some time. Right now I have food, family and a car. Right now I have clothes and a place to live. Right now I believe in God and his love for me. Right now I need to be still and know he is God: Psalms 46:10. This is about him not me; God knows exactly what I need. For now, He wants me to not think. He wants me to be still. In my weakness he is strong.

Pressing on with excellence!

Keith

Interview with an Alcoholic #7

Question: 

What I am trying to wrap my mind around is the euphoric connection your mind made with alcohol and drugs and how that can be compared to a hug from God. I am trying to imagine anything on this earth that could be compared to a God hug. All I can come up with is something like holding each of my children immediately after they are born or...I don't know what. So I have only experienced that 3 times in my life and it was short lived. You experienced that every time you used.
I guess I can understand the draw to the drugs and alcohol if it gave you that feeling most or every time. But even with that elated feeling, something had to tell you that it was still wrong, otherwise you wouldn't have stopped. I can't imagine having the ability to attain that euphoria at will and not abusing its control.

Your statement about alcohol demanding 100% of your life is very powerful. It must have been all consuming and such an impossible boulder to move. You also said that you had to make the switch to God who now fills you with the same feelings that your addiction once did. That's what I am trying to understand. That tiny spark that occurred in your life, at some particular moment, something clicked in your mind whether you were conscious of it or not, something made you change and walk toward your present life. That's what I am trying to understand.

Answer:

Dan, I was able to obtain that feeling every time. The bad thing was, at the beginning, before I was put on the Phenobarbital, I did feel like it was wrong. But after I started taking the Phenobarbital it was how I coped with life. It allowed me to not feel. It allowed me to feel comfortable in my own skin. It wasn't until after my third DWI that it suddenly stopped working for me. That was a very dangerous place. I would use but couldn't get that feeling and I couldn't stop using. I was truly powerless. I often tell others this is a bad place to be and that they don't want to be here long. If I realize that I'm truly powerless over drugs and alcohol, then I need power. Most people that get to this point may sober up for a little while, but it is usually short lived and they go back to hopeless oblivion. It is at this point, if a person is blessed, that they can receive the gift of desperation. It really is a moment of clarity in which the alcoholic or addict says to himself, “I can’t live this way anymore.” It is followed up with enough desperation that they are willing to do anything to get sober, even if it’s for a short time. This is when you want to get them into a treatment center as soon as possible.

Pressing On with Excellence,

Keith

Interview with an Alcoholic #6

QUESTIONS:

What an incredible history. Usually most folks can handle one of those events every few years. But you had so much garbage dumped on you all at once, at such a young age, that it is not surprising you ended up an addict. It was just too much for one mind to process. After reading that I then think, "Well, duh! Of course there was depression. Who wouldn't have been depressed or suffered from any other mental illness!"
It sounds like alcoholism is in your bloodline. When you got sober, what kind of support system did you have in place?

ANSWER:

When I first got sober it was only going to be until I got out of trouble. I had full intentions of going back. It was out of the desperation and fear that I would go to jail for a year and a half, that I made a decision that whatever it took I was going to do it. Whatever anyone tells me to do to get sober, I’m going to do. The treatment center that I went into saved my life. It sobered me up and pointed me to AA. The denial that I went through that first month was so thick that I kept telling myself that I had a problem with alcohol, but I don't have a problem with drugs, Then I would remember that I did stop drinking but I couldn't stop smoking pot. So I would tell myself I had a problem with drugs but not alcohol, back and forth.

I am a big advocate of treatment centers. I thought that probation was keeping me sober to begin with. What I didn't know was that God was intervening in my life. See, I rode fear into drug and alcoholism and God was using it, "fear," to bring me out. The fear of going to jail gave me the willingness to take action.
Going into treatment, moving out of where I lived, going to AA meetings, listening to and doing what people told me to do, were all actions that I had been unwilling to do before. DESPERATION can be a wonderful thing. It gave me the motivation I needed to do whatever it took to change.

Pressing on with Excellence,

Keith

Interview with an Alcoholic #5

QUESTION: Would it be fair to assume that you also suffered from depression during this period of time? Some of the symptoms that are peppered in your response meet the criteria for depression. (DISCLAIMER: Although I am not authorized to diagnose any mental illness.)


ANSWER: If when you say depression you mean high anxiety you are right on target. By the time I was 10 to 12 years old I had stomach ulcers. I would literally vomit on Sunday nights just thinking about going to school Monday mornings. My mother took me to the doctor to see what was wrong with me. He put me on a mixture of donnabelum and phenabarbitol; One to soothe the stomach the other to soothe the mind. Because of my age, all this did was to teach me to deal with my feelings by using drugs. Chemical induced peace. Now I have a question how did I get to that point? Let me give you a little back ground. I suppose this will not be too uncommon to a lot of alcoholics and addicts. My Dad was a hard working farmer. My Mom was the child of an alcoholic. My mom's dad died when I was six years old. By the time he died, I had smoked my first cigarette with him and drank my first beer or at least had some sips of beer with him. I had also been exposed to porn that was hanging on the wall of his garage. After he died, and before I went to the doctor with my mom, somewhere during that time I also was molested by a guy that was around eight years older than I. These things, though I mention them nonchalantly, I believe had a profound effect on me. Also during that time my grandma on the other side of my family died a slow death of cancer. I was very close to her. These things all happened around the same time that I was learning to deal with my feelings and I wasn't very good at it. I also struggled with my weight and had a lot of low self esteem problems. So when I found alcohol and drugs, then I didn't have to feel these emotions.

Pressing on with Excellence,
Keith

Interview with an Alcoholic part 4

Question:
I want to play with your words for just a moment. You said that your addiction was a spiritual feeling. Behaviorally, I cannot observe "spiritual", but I can quazi-observe "feeling". In my world, that is a sensory activity. Which means if it feels, tastes, smells, looks, or sounds good, we do it and if it doesn't feel, taste, smell, look, or sound good, then we don't do it. For a very simplistic example, if I eat chocolate it is because I like the taste, smell, or feeling it gives me. On the other hand, I can't stand the taste, smell, or sight of black liquorice. I will not enjoy any aspect of it, so I avoid it. So a spiritual feeling...do you mean that when you had it, you liked it so you wanted it more and more or did you use it to escape from the reality or stresses of life?
Answer:
When I talk about a spiritual feeling, what I'm saying is its a euphoric feeling of great satisfaction. I don't know if you know God, but if you could imagine the creator of the earth reaching down and scooping you up and giving you a big hug and kiss on your head, then just holding you and telling you that he's proud of you. Probably like that of a child whose father does that to him. As a child when your dad is there, you don't worry about anything. You know everything is already taken care of. It's true peace of mind. More like everything is going to be okay. Does that help? So you can see why it is so enticing to keep going back to it again and again.

Pressing on with Excellence,
Keith
Dr. Worry

Interview with an Alcoholic part 3

Question:

You stated that at some point your god quit working for you and you were screwed. What did you mean by that?

Answer:

I would like to emphasize that alcoholism and drug addiction are 1) the same and 2), a spiritual disease; at least in my opinion. What I mean by that is it's a spiritual act of worship. You may not read that in a book, this is my view on it.
The feeling that you get when you use is, in all senses of the word, a spiritual feeling. It allowed me to feel at ease with myself and the world around me. It was this peace that I was seeking. For a long time in my life I felt inadequate. Alcohol and drugs made me feel okay, like I measured up for once in my life. So, with this being the base, it set the stage to use every day. Using every day was an act of worship. I worshiped as often as possible. Does this make sense? It was my God. It did for me what I could not do for myself. If you were to compare me to someone that went to church, someone who was a sold out Christ follower, outside of the negative consequences that I had to face, we were very much the same.
If you've been to church you have heard it said that you should give a tithe, a tenth, of your income to God. That is normal. Most Christ followers believe that. That is different than my god alcohol. He demands everything. No cost was too great, no price to high. Because of my faith that this god was going to work for me, I would freely give everything. I believed that he would give me what I so desperately needed and wanted; his peace. That's what I was searching for. However fleeting it was, I had to have it. I have found that this is exactly what God gives me today without all the negative consequences. Just to be at peace with myself and the world around me. That's what I wanted. That's what I believe everyone needs and, to some degree or another, is searching for.

Pressing on with Excellence,
Keith
Dr. Worry

Interview with An Alcoholic part 2

Question:

I have heard from so many that they had to hit rock bottom, which it
sounded like you did as well, before they decided to change their
behaviors/lives and leave the addiction. What do you think has to be
the starting point for recovery? Does every person have to hit their
own rock bottom? If I am trying to help someone and I feel they
haven't hit that bottom, what can be done to stop their addictive
behavior? As you can imagine, some folks who get to that point where
you were when you wanted to die and follow through with suicide. I
view "rock bottoms" as a dangerous area. When someone can pick
themselves up and start the process to a new life that is encouraging. But others view their rock bottom as nothing more than an opportunity to end their lives. In my line of work, any suicidal ideation is taken seriously and usually ends up in hospitalizations and medications. I try to avoid those when possible.

You stated that at some point your god quit working for you and you
were screwed. What did you mean by that? Pretend that one year before your decision to become sober, you were approached by someone like me offering help. If you hadn't gotten to your point of desperation yet, would you have accepted the help? What could have been done to convince you sooner to get sober?

Answer:

You asked if someone would have approached me one year prior to quitting if I would have considered it. I would not have considered it. The truth is, I was approached by the police with the threat of jail if I ignored them. Also, there were countless attempts by my parents to intervene.

Pressing On with Excellence,
Keith
Dr. Worry

Interview with an Alcoholic part 1

INTERVIEWER: I work as a behavior analyst, which is someone who helps others change their behaviors, and I have been contemplating the challenges of drug and alcohol addictions. I personally have never tried any drugs and I am not an alcoholic, but I want to help those who may be struggling with these challenges. I tend to view addictions in terms of only behaviors and then create ways to overcome those behaviors.


QUESTIONS

1) How did you do it? What made you decide nearly 20 years ago to leave the life you knew and set a course for this one?

2) What do you believe needs to be the catalyst to shake up addicts and live a more purposeful life?

ANSWER

First of all I did it one day at a time. I didn't just wake up one day and decide that I was going to quit and set a goal of 20yrs. When I quit I was so close to death. In fact I wanted to die. The thought went through my head that if this is all that life has to offer then I want out. For me alcohol and drugs were my god and my god had my full trust. So it is a spiritual thing more than behavioral. When my god quit working for me I was screwed. I would say that I was blessed to be given the gift of desperation. It was out of desperation that I became willing to do some things. One thing was to get honest with myself. The second thing this desperation helped me to do was become open-minded enough to think there might be a better way. HOW – Honesty, Open-mindedness, Willingness is an easy acronym to remember this.

For those out there who know someone who is suffering from addiction: I believe the prayers of those who cared about me was a big factor in helping me. In my case, it took an average of 15 people praying for approximately 3 years before I got desperate enough to get sober.

Pressing On with Excellence,
Keith
Dr. Worry

Introduction to Interview with an Alcoholic

I am getting ready to start a new blog idea. I have someone that knows little about addiction at least from a thought process side, such as what causes an alcoholic or an addict to continue to keep going back even after things get bad. So he is going to ask me questions and I will answer them. Then I will share that interview on my blog. I think that this is a great opportunity to help him better understand the alcoholic mind and also help others do the same. I also think this will help me to better understand myself. It will help me to crystallize my story so that I'm a better communicator. Win-win, I believe. I told him my life is an open book and that I would answer any question that he might ask. Along with that I have decided if any of my blog readers have any questions that you might like to ask concerning addiction or if you need any clarity on something that I give for an answer, please comment on the blog or submit any question to me at Keith@drworry.com. I am looking forward to this interview. This will be an ongoing topic for a while or until he or you run out of questions. I won't give any answers about things that I don't know anything about. This is a living interview, not an opinion. My experiences, no bull.

Pressing On with Excellence,

Keith a.k.a. Dr. Worry