THE MARRIAGE PARADOX

I've been thinking about the marriage paradox. I'm convinced that God loves paradoxes. “The last shall be first.” “Whoever wants to save his life must lose it.” “The meek shall inherit the earth.” And the marriage paradox seems to be one of the greatest of all. God said in Genesis that “the two shall become one.” When I married my husband, I stopped being an individual and became part of a whole. My identity is no longer in myself, it is in the union of the two of us. In fact, as a believer, I have two identities: I am a child of God and I am a wife to Keith. Neither of those are roles, they identify me. Yes, I have roles within those identities, but they don't change the fact that they define who I am.

We live in a world that would say I need to stop identifying as a wife and focus on my individuality. I have heard people talk about “losing themselves” in the midst of their marriage and motherhood. But by the very act of focusing on my individuality, I am actually losing my identity.

Here's the paradox. When I married my husband, we became one. That means that whatever affects him, affects me. And whatever affects me, affects him. If I spend my time criticizing him, tearing him down, and complaining about him all the time, I am, in fact, directly hurting myself. If I spend my time focused on building him up, encouraging his strengths, and praising the things he does, I am, by the very nature of our oneness, doing those things for myself. If I focus on the union rather than my individuality, I am actually strengthening who I am as an individual because the stronger he is, the stronger our union is, and the stronger I become. If I focus on myself and not him or our marriage, I am actually tearing down and destroying myself.

It's actually the same when it comes to my identity as a child of God. If I focus on God and my relationship with him, I become stronger. If I focus on myself instead of God I become weaker.

I once heard that the best definition of humility is not to consider yourself less, but to not consider yourself at all. That is my goal; to stop considering myself at all and instead focus on God, on my husband and children, and on others. I don't need to “work on me,” God will take care of that. I need to work on my relationships with God and others and forget about me altogether.

We are being seriously deceived by our society in this area and it is affecting our marriages and our relationships, especially our relationship with God. I challenge you (and myself) to spend a month focusing on your spouse, if you have one, and your other relationships and practice not thinking of yourself at all. Then see if it doesn't change your life.
Keep pressing on !!
Susan

The Marriage Paradox

                                               

I've been thinking about the marriage paradox. I'm convinced that God loves paradoxes. “The last shall be first.” “Whoever wants to save his life must lose it.” “The meek shall inherit the earth.” And the marriage paradox seems to be one of the greatest of all. God said in Genesis that “the two shall become one.” When I married my husband, I stopped being an individual and became part of a whole. My identity is no longer in myself, it is in the union of the two of us. In fact, as a believer, I have two identities: I am a child of God and I am a wife to Keith. Neither of those are roles, they identify me. Yes, I have roles within those identities, but they don't change the fact that they define who I am.

We live in a world that would say I need to stop identifying as a wife and focus on my individuality. I have heard people talk about “losing themselves” in the midst of their marriage and motherhood. But by the very act of focusing on my individuality, I am actually losing my identity.

Here's the paradox. When I married my husband, we became one. That means that whatever affects him, affects me. And whatever affects me, affects him. If I spend my time criticizing him, tearing him down, and complaining about him all the time, I am, in fact, directly hurting myself. If I spend my time focused on building him up, encouraging his strengths, and praising the things he does, I am, by the very nature of our oneness, doing those things for myself. If I focus on the union rather than my individuality, I am actually strengthening who I am as an individual because the stronger he is, the stronger our union is, and the stronger I become. If I focus on myself and not him or our marriage, I am actually tearing down and destroying myself.

It's actually the same when it comes to my identity as a child of God. If I focus on God and my relationship with him, I become stronger. If I focus on myself instead of God I become weaker.

I once heard that the best definition of humility is not to consider yourself less, but to not consider yourself at all. That is my goal; to stop considering myself at all and instead focus on God, on my husband and children, and on others. I don't need to “work on me,” God will take care of that. I need to work on my relationships with God and others and forget about me altogether.

We are being seriously deceived by our society in this area and it is affecting our marriages and our relationships, especially our relationship with God. I challenge you (and myself) to spend a month focusing on your spouse, if you have one, and your other relationships and practice not thinking of yourself at all. Then see if it doesn't change your life.
Keep pressing on !!
Susan

                                     

The Chase

Some people may see this post and think I may be talking Nascar, tis the season. But when I think of The Chase I think about the drive I had when I was in my other life chasing the buzz. I was consumed by it and every choice I made revolved around it. Everything from who my friends were to where I lived and where I worked and every thing in between. All had a focus and a motive behind it; the buzz. Nothing stood in my way, no cost was too great. I mean think about it, you want me to give you my money, okay... how about my family, okay... how about... fill in the blank, I would give it all for the buzz. Now I'm not using and what got me sober is my relationship with God: a daily reprieve contingent on my spiritual condition. So the further I get away from my last buzz, the less is my drive for what got me sober in the first place. MY FRIENDS THIS SHOULDN'T BE! And can't be if I want to stay sober. I need to chase God like I chased the buzz. Does every decision I make revolve around God and how I can draw closer to Him? No. What if it did? What would my life look like? Can I ever know everything about the God that created this universe? I doubt it. Can I ever fully understand the dept of His love for me? I don't think so. I think I could chase God as hard as I chased the buzz and could not come to His end. So why do I back off?  How do I let myself become complacent? Am I so fulfilled that I don't seek or so content that I forget what got me here in the first place? Or am I so proud that he pulled away from me and I didn't notice because I backed off of the chase? I'm not sure. But I do know it's not to late to start the chase again. I encourage you to do the same. But really, this is for me!! Keep pressing on!!
Keith