What a Waste!

My brother has a 1976 Cosworth Vega he bought about 25 years ago. It is a very rare car and it only has around 30 or 40 thousand miles on it. Every once in a while, on special occasions, maybe a couple of times a year, he would pull it out, wash it, and wax it. Then he would drive it around a little and park it back in the barn. For a while he parked it in my Grandpa’s garage but somehow it got put back into the barn. He put a tarp over it and then it’s almost like he forgot about it. The car has been sitting there for more than fifteen years. The tarp has rotted off. It’s completely covered with bird dirt and dust. Mice have gotten in and built nests on the engine, in the air breather, in the glove box, and who knows where else. The whole car smells like mouse pee. There is even mold growing on the steering wheel.

This is perfect illustration of what can happen when we allow worry and fear to go unchecked in our lives. They don’t just go away, instead they get worse and turn into anxiety and depression. If they’re neglected long enough they become insanity. What a waste. It doesn’t have to be this way. Take action now while the problems are smaller so that you can be the rare and precious person that you were meant to be in the first place. Don’t waste your life. Just like my brother’s Vega, if you neglect working on these things now it will cost you much more to fix later.

Taking it to the street:1.) Write down some things in your life that you are doing that you don't like. 2.) Ask God for forgiveness about these things and for help to practice the opposite.   

Pressing On with Excellence,

Keith

Self

I read a good book which had a quote in it that said " We made a decision based on self which put us into a position to be hurt." Talking about recovery from alcoholism. But doesn't that cover pretty much every decision that I make based on self or selfish concerns.What I mean is I see something that I want and manipulate people or things to get it and hurt others and myself in the process. I have noticed that most of the time that when I make a decision based on self that those decisions are fear based. IE I'm afraid that I'm not going to get something  that I want. Or I will lose something that I already have. It is a constant battle to stay out of self. Then I have that sinking feeling you get when you have done something wrong and you wish you could rewind and have a do over. Then I end up having to make amends for what I have done.One thing I do know is when I make a decision based on self it takes me farther than I wanted to go. It keeps me there longer than I wanted to be there, and It costs me more than I wanted to pay. What if I could learn how to not make decisions based on self. Wouldn't that save me a lot of trouble, it would and does. How did I learn to do that? Through Love If I can learn how to love correctly I can over time learn how to care for others. I can really care about others. When I really care others I can filter some of those self based decisions and save myself so much trouble.

Pressing on with excellence!
 Keith

Interview with an Alcoholic #5

QUESTION: Would it be fair to assume that you also suffered from depression during this period of time? Some of the symptoms that are peppered in your response meet the criteria for depression. (DISCLAIMER: Although I am not authorized to diagnose any mental illness.)


ANSWER: If when you say depression you mean high anxiety you are right on target. By the time I was 10 to 12 years old I had stomach ulcers. I would literally vomit on Sunday nights just thinking about going to school Monday mornings. My mother took me to the doctor to see what was wrong with me. He put me on a mixture of donnabelum and phenabarbitol; One to soothe the stomach the other to soothe the mind. Because of my age, all this did was to teach me to deal with my feelings by using drugs. Chemical induced peace. Now I have a question how did I get to that point? Let me give you a little back ground. I suppose this will not be too uncommon to a lot of alcoholics and addicts. My Dad was a hard working farmer. My Mom was the child of an alcoholic. My mom's dad died when I was six years old. By the time he died, I had smoked my first cigarette with him and drank my first beer or at least had some sips of beer with him. I had also been exposed to porn that was hanging on the wall of his garage. After he died, and before I went to the doctor with my mom, somewhere during that time I also was molested by a guy that was around eight years older than I. These things, though I mention them nonchalantly, I believe had a profound effect on me. Also during that time my grandma on the other side of my family died a slow death of cancer. I was very close to her. These things all happened around the same time that I was learning to deal with my feelings and I wasn't very good at it. I also struggled with my weight and had a lot of low self esteem problems. So when I found alcohol and drugs, then I didn't have to feel these emotions.

Pressing on with Excellence,
Keith