Interview with an Alcoholic #6

QUESTIONS:

What an incredible history. Usually most folks can handle one of those events every few years. But you had so much garbage dumped on you all at once, at such a young age, that it is not surprising you ended up an addict. It was just too much for one mind to process. After reading that I then think, "Well, duh! Of course there was depression. Who wouldn't have been depressed or suffered from any other mental illness!"
It sounds like alcoholism is in your bloodline. When you got sober, what kind of support system did you have in place?

ANSWER:

When I first got sober it was only going to be until I got out of trouble. I had full intentions of going back. It was out of the desperation and fear that I would go to jail for a year and a half, that I made a decision that whatever it took I was going to do it. Whatever anyone tells me to do to get sober, I’m going to do. The treatment center that I went into saved my life. It sobered me up and pointed me to AA. The denial that I went through that first month was so thick that I kept telling myself that I had a problem with alcohol, but I don't have a problem with drugs, Then I would remember that I did stop drinking but I couldn't stop smoking pot. So I would tell myself I had a problem with drugs but not alcohol, back and forth.

I am a big advocate of treatment centers. I thought that probation was keeping me sober to begin with. What I didn't know was that God was intervening in my life. See, I rode fear into drug and alcoholism and God was using it, "fear," to bring me out. The fear of going to jail gave me the willingness to take action.
Going into treatment, moving out of where I lived, going to AA meetings, listening to and doing what people told me to do, were all actions that I had been unwilling to do before. DESPERATION can be a wonderful thing. It gave me the motivation I needed to do whatever it took to change.

Pressing on with Excellence,

Keith

THE LONELIEST PLACE TO BE

In the parable of the prodigal son, the son found himself longing to eat the pods that the hogs were eating. When he realized this, I believe he came to the end of himself. I have been there.

 My thoughts were: “if this is life I’m sick of it and I don’t want this anymore.” This is the loneliest place to be. You don’t want to be here long. Still I think I needed to be there long enough to figure out that what I was doing wasn’t working anymore and that there has to be something better than this. Someone told me around that time that my best thinking had gotten me there. That was a hard pill to swallow, but it was true. And I couldn’t go any further until I truly admitted this. I was on my own, truly powerless.

Do you find yourself here? If you do, it is a bittersweet place to be. But, it can be a great place to start over. It’s never too late for a do-over. If you’re truly powerless then you need power. And you’re at the place where you’re willing to accept that power. That power is the Father, run to Him now. Be free and change your life for good. God wants to have a relationship with you. That is his greatest desire. Then, you won’t be at the loneliest place any more.

Keith
Pressing On with Excellence

The Gift of Desperation part 2

Desperation all by itself is very dangerous. At least it was for me. Thoughts of suicide were often flowing through my mind. But I had one thing that kept me from pulling the trigger. That was a teeny tiny bit of faith. Faith of a mustard seed is what the Bible calls it. This is what it really was: that there’s an outside chance that there might be, just maybe, a God out there somewhere. And that he might just care for me. Maybe. Though I wouldn’t know why. That is all the faith that I could muster. But when I was able to muster that much faith, that was enough for God to prove himself to me.

The solution to the problem is God. How to find him and develop a relationship with him. This is what my blogs will be about.

Pressing On With Excellence,
Keith

THE GIFT OF DESPERATION

I was given the gift of desperation. Gift you say? Yes, I believe that desperation can be a gift from God. Desperation motivated me  to take action. If you can recall the feelings of desperation that you felt when you realized you had a problem, there is a good chance of not repeating that action again.

Before I was sober, my mother and a lot of others would pray for me that I would realize my powerlessness over alcohol. I believe God answered their prayers with the gift of desperation. I also believe that is why I never went back to drinking. I have a healthy fear of going back to the way it used to be.

I see far too many people who don't have enough willingness to try new things to improve their relationship with God and they go backwards. It's like riding a bike up a hill. You push one pedal down, then another  and you get tired and stop pushing. You may be able to coast for a little bit but pretty soon you stop. Then you start rolling backwards. Have you ever tried to ride a bike backwards down a hill? Crash! The gift of desperation enables us to keep pushing the pedal down.

Desperation with a good healthy fear can be the beginning of a whole new life.

Pressing On With Excellence,
Keith