Expectations

Life was interesting in how others reacted to this past period of unemployment. My mother told me I need to get a job and I think “just over broke”. I wasn't looking for just any job any more. I can get any job but that’s not the point. I wanted to find work that has meaning, something that I love. It’s not like I was just sitting around not doing anything or not looking for work. I was just being a little pickier than I used to be. My brother said that I was lazy. He thinks since I didn’t have a job that whatever I’m doing is not productive or important. I think they don’t understand. That just because what I’m looking for doesn’t fall into their idea of normal, that it’s not right for me. They thought their expectations for me to get a job, for me to be normal, were high. But, for me, it seems that if I settle for just a normal job their expectations are too low and don’t have my best interest in mind. It’s sad really, because I think that if I had listened to them then I might never have found out what God really has for me. To me, it’s more important to find out what God has for me and do that, than to settle for normal. Does that make sense? I’ve begun a new chapter in my life and I will not settle for mediocrity any longer. This life is not like the past and it looks completely different. So I wrote this to say that sometimes we need to ignore some of the closest people around us. Not to spite them, but for our own good. Their expectations may not help us to get where we want and need to go or where God wants us to be.

Pressing on with excellence!

Keith Smith

HOT DOG

I heard a story about someone who locked himself in a closet for a long time, became hungry, and prayed that God would give him something to eat. The story goes that God won’t do for you something that you can do for yourself. I suppose that they were talking about unlocking the closet door and going to the fridge and getting a hotdog. I also think that might be true in most cases. But do you think there may be times that God might push a hotdog under the door? Times where we're so far out on a limb that only He can help us? I believe there are times when God does just that; pushes a hotdog under the door to keep us from starving to death while He works out His plan for us. If you have asked God for something and He hasn’t given it to you yet, you can take hope in Mark 11:24. Jesus says, "Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours". What does this mean? I think it means that, if we believe, then we need to act like our prayer has already been answered. What does that look like? How would you act if you knew that God has already answered your prayer? You wouldn’t be worried; you would have direction, and peace. Right? So why not act as if God has already answered your prayer? Isn’t this true faith?

Pressing on with excellence!

Keith

Questions

Have you ever wondered why you are here? You believe God has lead you in this direction; but then things don’t work out the way you thought they were going to and you doubt that you were even supposed to be here in the first place. Am I so stupid that I can’t figure out what God wants? Or am I just blind to my own self deception, and self-centeredness? We wonder why God would allow us to get here only to washout, to fail; but we get no answers! Why? What were we thinking anyway? I have more questions than answers at this point and I don’t know if I should continue for fear of offending the Holy Spirit with my questions. I have learned some things again. The right here and now is ok. I have money in my pocket, food in the fridge, gas in my car, and a family that loves me. I am learning to be content with very little. I’m better off than five years ago asking the same questions only buried in debt. I have very little now. Back then I had stuff, but was in the red. I trust God. He has a plan, but sometimes He feels so far away. Why is that? I love you Lord. Please don’t let us fall or let us go.

Pressing on with excellence!

Keith

EVERYTHING or nothing!

Have you ever thought that about God? Either he is everything or he is nothing. That thought alone could change your life. Think about it. If, when you're worried about something, you took that worry to God and said; "God, you are either everything or nothing. I give this worry to you," would that change your perception? You can take any problem to God and say your will be done; I accept whatever out come you have for me, Lord. When God is everything, any problem you take to God can melt before him instantly. You can know that he already knows and is already at work on it. How much time do we have to waste fretting over something that is nothing for God? If God is above all in your life, truly, then we should not fret over anything. Yet I do. I still waste precious moments of my life that I could be using somewhere else on something more important. When will I ever learn that God is either everything or he is nothing? I have been around long enough to know he is everything, yet I still forget that sometimes.

Pressing on with excellence!

Keith

Change

I like to stop the beginning of year and look back over my life and see how far I’ve come. Have there been any significant changes? My twenty year anniversary in sobriety was January 21st. As I looked back, it got me to thinking about how people that use drugs and alcohol, when they first get sober, have a distinct, negative outlook. This is not unexpected, especially when you think of what most alcoholics and addicts have been through. It can’t be helped. Think about it. We have been in the crap for so long that bad things have become normal. I would not have gotten sober if things hadn’t gotten so bad, right? So, that gives me a negative outlook. Now I have to change this kind of thinking because it is what got me here in the first place. If I don’t, I will drink again. It's no wonder so many people have such a tough time staying sober. If our thinking does not change then we will continue to do the same things over and over; that’s what we call insanity. Thank God he helps us stay sober long enough to get past some of that thinking.

For too long in sobriety I hung on to a lot of those old mindsets, those old thinking patterns. The good news is that I can change the way I think. How? Well, to start with, how about prayer? Ask God to help you recognize negative thinking patterns. We cannot change the things that we are not aware of. Ask God to help you change your focus to something positive. I use a gratitude list for this. This works well regardless of whether or not we're alcoholic. Too many people have negative outlooks. You can change your thinking if you want to. It is one of the only things that you really have any control over.

Pressing on with excellence!!

Keith

Be Still

Do I even trust God yet? I wonder sometimes. I am so confused on what I should do that I don’t know what to do! Should I be looking for a job or what? I know we are running out of money fast. I need to make some kind of an income, don’t I? Will God really keep me from being evicted? Does He know what is going on? Is my trust in money? Am I afraid of failure? Am I afraid of success? I just need to know what or where God wants me and I will head in that direction. Isn’t it irresponsible to just sit and wait on God? Shouldn’t I be trying to make something happen?

Where am I right now?  Right now I still have some money. Right now I still have some time. Right now I have food, family and a car. Right now I have clothes and a place to live. Right now I believe in God and his love for me. Right now I need to be still and know he is God: Psalms 46:10. This is about him not me; God knows exactly what I need. For now, He wants me to not think. He wants me to be still. In my weakness he is strong.

Pressing on with excellence!

Keith

Interview with an Alcoholic #7

Question: 

What I am trying to wrap my mind around is the euphoric connection your mind made with alcohol and drugs and how that can be compared to a hug from God. I am trying to imagine anything on this earth that could be compared to a God hug. All I can come up with is something like holding each of my children immediately after they are born or...I don't know what. So I have only experienced that 3 times in my life and it was short lived. You experienced that every time you used.
I guess I can understand the draw to the drugs and alcohol if it gave you that feeling most or every time. But even with that elated feeling, something had to tell you that it was still wrong, otherwise you wouldn't have stopped. I can't imagine having the ability to attain that euphoria at will and not abusing its control.

Your statement about alcohol demanding 100% of your life is very powerful. It must have been all consuming and such an impossible boulder to move. You also said that you had to make the switch to God who now fills you with the same feelings that your addiction once did. That's what I am trying to understand. That tiny spark that occurred in your life, at some particular moment, something clicked in your mind whether you were conscious of it or not, something made you change and walk toward your present life. That's what I am trying to understand.

Answer:

Dan, I was able to obtain that feeling every time. The bad thing was, at the beginning, before I was put on the Phenobarbital, I did feel like it was wrong. But after I started taking the Phenobarbital it was how I coped with life. It allowed me to not feel. It allowed me to feel comfortable in my own skin. It wasn't until after my third DWI that it suddenly stopped working for me. That was a very dangerous place. I would use but couldn't get that feeling and I couldn't stop using. I was truly powerless. I often tell others this is a bad place to be and that they don't want to be here long. If I realize that I'm truly powerless over drugs and alcohol, then I need power. Most people that get to this point may sober up for a little while, but it is usually short lived and they go back to hopeless oblivion. It is at this point, if a person is blessed, that they can receive the gift of desperation. It really is a moment of clarity in which the alcoholic or addict says to himself, “I can’t live this way anymore.” It is followed up with enough desperation that they are willing to do anything to get sober, even if it’s for a short time. This is when you want to get them into a treatment center as soon as possible.

Pressing On with Excellence,

Keith